Hello and goodbye for now

I am pretty sure I have never felt so many emotions in one week’s time. So many ups and downs all balled into the confines of just a few days—hours, really.

Let’s start with the happiness, shall we? On Aug. 16 we moved our youngest daughter to college. You may think that would fall into the sad category, but considering she will be attending Bethany Lutheran College—where both her father and I teach, and also where her older sisters go—it truly is a wonderful thing. What a blessing to be able to be in one location with almost all of our household for one more year!

It was a blazing hot day as we moved Claire into the fourth floor of Anderson Hall. Moving in late afternoon is a lot less fun and dramatic than it is in the morning like when her sisters did, but it went a lot faster. My parents and brother helped me move into my dorm room just down the hall on the same floor exactly 30 years ago. It is nostalgic, and so special that Claire had the same experience with her own parents and brother, plus one helpful sister, Olivia.

Eric and I played the role of parents rather than professors the rest of the evening and tried to soak in the moments of having a new college student. Later that evening, though, I got news from the hospice nurse that my mom wasn’t strong enough to stand. She had gone to all of her meals and activities throughout the day, but come suppertime she simply couldn’t. They had already ordered her a hospital bed and lift that would arrive Sunday morning.

After church (where our daughters joined us with their friends) the next morning, Eric, Bridger, and I went to visit Mom and make room for her new furniture. She had definitely changed since my last visit. I let my brother Dennis know, and he and his three kids made the four-and-a-half-hour drive as quickly as they could.

The next few days and hours were difficult to navigate. I didn’t know whether I should first be a daughter, mother, professor, sister, or business owner, and I was trying to make all the right choices. Looking back, I feel content with each choice because I know God helped me navigate through everything.

The first few days of college are always a whirlwind, but this was certainly my most unique start to a semester. It just dawned on me that I have had a first day of school for all but about five years of my life. Whoa—that is a lot of school! I am thankful to have been on the other side of the desk for more years as the teacher. Comforted by knowing that my brother was with Mom just down the street, I participated in opening service on Monday morning. With that came another realization of how time accumulates. As we professors marched in to sit, I was ushered to the front row! That means beginning my 24th year of teaching at Bethany now puts me in the category of “old professor.” Not sure if I am ready for that.

Yep, terrible selfie of me and my girls, but some days I take what I can get in order to get one of these in the same frame. With the others I took she was just a blur...

An additional source of joy that day was when our oldest, Rylee, greeted the incoming students as the Student Body President at the opening banquet. She did a tremendous job with her speech, and we are so proud of her. I recorded it and later played the video for Mom, who beamed with pride as she listened. Not long after finishing her speech, Rylee had to head back to the airport I had just picked her up from the evening before. This time she was flying to Washington, D.C., to present her chemistry research from this summer at the American Chemical Society Conference. So cool!

Tuesday was the first day of classes, and I popped over to Mom’s in between every class, knowing that if anything changed drastically I could be right there. Dennis and I thought things were going fairly well, so at about 3:30, after he had fed Mom a cup of sherbet, he took his kids home so they could go to school the next morning. His girls had already missed two days, and it seemed as if things weren’t getting worse. I returned at 5, and Mom actually seemed better. So good, in fact, that she was talking, wanted to sit up, and go to the bathroom. So, I called the staff, and they came in and put her on the lift to get her there. Here’s where everything changed so quickly. The hospice nurse swooped in and started yelling at me, stressing that Mom shouldn’t have gotten out of bed. How was I to know that? Apparently this nurse had been there about an hour before (right after Dennis left) and had classified Mom as bedridden. Again, no one told either of us. She also yelled at me, saying, “This is end of life. Didn’t you read the brochure?” What?! No! When Mom went on hospice five weeks prior, she only had the same breathing problems she had dealt with for months, and I honestly didn’t think she even needed to be on hospice. I had simply obliged because her breathing always freaked everyone there out. Anyway, it was an intense few minutes. Thankfully, the nurse eventually apologized for her behavior. She was just worried someone was going to get hurt, and I had absolutely no idea Mom was in delirium. I hadn’t read the brochure…

I called Dennis, and he circled back—without kids. Eric and my three who were in town came to say their goodbyes. Claire and Olivia were auditioning for Theater Physics the following day, so they did the hilarious piece they wrote for their audition. Mom absolutely loved it. She smiled the entire time and told them good job. We were thankful for smiles and conversation. These sweet grandchildren also beautifully harmonized hymns for her. It certainly reminded me of what angels would sound like, and the evening experience was all so precious.

My kids stayed until Dennis returned and from then on, he and I didn’t really leave her room. I canceled all of my sessions, appointments, and classes, and we stayed with her. There is something so sweet about that time together. With our busy lives in separate states and the interruptions of kids, my brother and I hadn’t been able to converse so much for decades. We laughed, cried, and told stories. We did pop over to BLC to watch Olivia and Claire audition on Wednesday night. It was a blast, and a much-needed laughter reprieve. Plus, when we got back and showed the video to Mom, she laughed and said they had done well.

On Wednesday I went to chapel and then joined our Bethany family for the all campus photo. God knew I needed some reminders about his goodness. Rylee was gone being amazing at the ACS conference, so we had to use her stand-in instead.

The girls did SO awesome for their audition with both their singing and crazy animal noises. The entire theatre was laughing at their craziness.

With each hour, Mom was able to participate even less in the interaction, but up to the end she was responsive, even if it was a smile or just her wiggling her eyebrows in response. One of our favorites is when she corrected our memory of a story about getting stuck in the ditch in a ground blizzard. Since it was about 40 years ago now, our memories were a bit hazy as we reflected on being stuck in the ditch, seeing blue sky above us while the wind whipped the snow around us, and recalling what we actually put under the tires to get out. She simply responded, “Paper towels,” and our memories righted themselves, knowing she was right.

Dennis’ girlfriend Mary came to see Mom and support him on Thursday afternoon. They left for supper and stopped by BLC to get some liquid nitrogen ice cream that Eric was making with Olivia and Rylee for a science club event. Mom had only eaten two bites of mashed potatoes the day before, but when Dennis offered her some of Eric’s ice cream, she took a bite, then another, then another. She said it was good and smiled as she ate it. Little did we know then that this would be her last meal. There are so many things I love about that, but it is especially precious because Eric made it for an event with two of her granddaughters, and she truly savored it.

Since Rylee had gotten back to town just before the BOSS event, and as the club president she had a responsibility to be there, she came over afterward to say her goodbye. With 48 hours in between, the kids will have very different memories of Grandma at the end, but as hard as it was, we are thankful that Rylee made it. After she left, I told Mom that now she had a chance to see everyone in her family and that if she wanted to go and see Dad, she should. She got a big smile on her face and said, “Ok.” With each conversation about Heaven, my Dad, and her parents that we had throughout those hours, Dennis and I were always met with smiles and recognition. With thoughts of dancing, fishing and the Heavenly Angels singing she was SO ready to go. That made it a lot easier for me to start praying for God to take her to be with Him.

View from Mom's room at Water's Edge

For 10 years Mom and her visitors have enjoyed this beautiful view outside her window. Ducks and geese were often backyard entertainment. I loved how God seems so visible in this photo taken just a few hours before she left us.

This next part is so hard to write, but I truly believe everything happened the way it was meant to. As I had every time I left her room since Tuesday, I said what could serve as a final goodbye. I never knew what would actually be the last time, obviously. But when I left around 11 p.m. on Thursday night, I felt at peace knowing that if it truly were the last time I saw her, that would be a good thing. Death is not pretty, and when I saw the joy she had thinking about Heaven and being in her Savior's arms, I only wanted that for her. So I went home. I barely slept, and when I rolled out of bed at 4:30 I panicked, thinking I may have missed messages or something. That wasn’t the case. At 6 a.m. Dennis said it had been an even rougher night than the previous, but that things were fine. So I went to the one thing I hadn’t canceled over the past few days: a photo shoot that was in the opposite direction, but one that I thought wouldn’t take too long to complete, allowing me to be back by her side within an hour.

I got a text from Dennis at 8:24 a.m. saying that hospice had told him her passing would be within hours. As I attempted to wait patiently for the athletes I was supposed to be photographing, I got the call. It was 8:37. She was gone. Mom looked up to Heaven, with much clarity and brightness in her eyes, and breathed her last with a look of peace on her face.

Somehow, I still photographed the boys who had gathered around me as calmly and quickly as possible. As much as I had prayed it would happen, I was still in shock, and also a bit ashamed that I hadn’t postponed that shoot too. But like I said, I truly know I wasn’t supposed to be there. I keep thinking through all of the scenarios that prove this to be true. I was the only one with our dad when he died, and this way Dennis was able to be with Mom. With one hand he held hers, and in the other he held a small Jesus figurine the cook had given him that morning.

If you’ve read all of this, bless you for caring so much about my life. I love you too. It is a lot of words, but I frankly don’t care about the tremendously long novel it has become. I wrote it for me. I talk about the importance of recognizing and cherishing legacy all the time because it is so near to my heart, and this experience only solidifies that importance.

I could write another book about how impactful my precious mother, Diane Fetzer, has been in my life. She was the one who told me I should be a photographer when I was just a kid, adding how I could be both a mother and professional if I had my studio in my yard. She also told me that I should be taking photos that Friday morning, and that she would be fine. Her intuition was amazing. She was correct as she assessed so many things—many of which I tried to ignore, and others I didn’t even realize until years later. I love that her legacy will continue to live on through me, my brother, her seven grandchildren, and through the precious visual documentation I have of her life.

The funeral for Diane Irene (Nielsen) Fetzer will be at Zion Lutheran Church in Colome, South Dakota, on September 6 at 10:30 a.m.

16 Comments

Sep 2, 2025, 2:50:21 PM

Denice Woller - Thank you so much Patty. That is 100% true. Such a relief when the ones you love were suffering and were ready to go to Heaven, but still very hard to say goodbye!

Aug 29, 2025, 6:09:46 PM

Patty Spreckrls - You have a wonderful way with words, There is nothing better than knowing our loved ones are in heaven,still so hard to let them go

Aug 27, 2025, 9:42:01 PM

Denice Woller - Hi Sharon, it is SO wonderful to hear from you! Although it would have been great to see you, we totally understand, and truly appreciate your thoughts and prayers. Mom spoke so highly of you, and I hope that you and your family are doing well. Blessings to you!

Aug 27, 2025, 9:37:26 PM

Denice Woller - Oh, no way! Nice to meet you (again) cousin Lori! Your parents were amazing, and I have so many great memories of them! It was also fun to have Virgil as my bus driver for a few years!

Aug 27, 2025, 9:34:03 PM

Denice Woller - Thank you so much dear friend. I appreciate it tremendously! Love you too!

Aug 26, 2025, 12:05:56 PM

Shaon J. (Maier) Courtright - What a beautiful tribute to your Mom and the legacy she left for you, your brother and her grandchildren. The pictures depict the love she had for all of you and pride in all of your accomplishments. I regret that my husband, Dean, and I will be unable to to attend Diane's service, but please know that you, the rest of her family and friends will be in our thoughts and prayers during the service and in the days and weeks to come. Love, Sharon

Aug 26, 2025, 6:18:21 AM

Lori Parker - Beautiful tribute! Diane was my cousin. I’m Virgil and Vera Maiers youngest daughter.

Aug 25, 2025, 7:11:08 PM

Karly Kock - Oh Denice, such beautiful words and story telling . Wrapping you up in my arms in my mind to give you the biggest hug! Love your perspective and you very much! ❤️

Aug 25, 2025, 6:43:29 PM

Denice Woller - Thank you so much Susan. You certainly know what it is like to lose your parents, and I am sorry we have that in common. I appreciate your thoughts tremendously!

Aug 25, 2025, 6:41:41 PM

Denice Woller - Thank you so much Penny. Dennis and I are thankful, and we appreciate this so much!

Aug 25, 2025, 6:40:42 PM

Denice Woller - Thank you so much Julie. I know Mom truly appreciated having you as such a great neighbor all of those years! Thank you for the hugs and prayers, we need them!

Aug 25, 2025, 6:39:33 PM

Denice Woller - Thank you Johanna. I appreciate that so much. What a legacy indeed!

Aug 25, 2025, 2:52:06 PM

Johanna - Beautiful, touching story. Im so thankful Your mom is at peace and rejoicing with the angels and that you got as much time with her as you did. What a legacy she left! 💖💖💖

Aug 25, 2025, 2:36:17 PM

Julie Kahler - Your words - - Are perfect. - brought tears to my eyes. Your Mom was such a wonderful lady. & you have to know how proud she is of you, Dennis & her Grandkids. Thinking & praying for you all. Hugs

Aug 25, 2025, 2:19:03 PM

Penny Veskrna - Denise and Dennis I am so sorry for your loss. I am so glad you both had each other in this time of need. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

Aug 25, 2025, 2:13:49 PM

Susan Avina - So sorry to hear about you Mom. Our mothers are so precious and will never be forgotten. Thinking of you and your family during this difficult time 💞

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Hello and goodbye for now

View from Mom's room at Water's Edge

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